“Life is all about the Narcissist, and while they learn to “feign” or act emotions, they are essentially cut-off from their own authentic feelings, –They seek to dominate and control others as a primary way of navigating life.”
“I don’t have feelings for anyone, not you or anyone else,” he said immediately after I told him I was sad and having a hard time with my feelings. “I’m thinking about ending my life,” he added. “I have a 45 and I know how to use it.”
The man was lying about ending his life. The reasons for his statement was to play more mind games with me.
“Can you imagine for one minute that maybe it’s the truth that I don’t have any feelings for anyone?” he pleaded.
I can now.
By all definitions, he fits the description of a person with severe Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Eventually, he went as far as to claim having been diagnosed, but I knew that was a lie too.
Our relationship had been serious, at least to me it was. He certainly took pride in his ability to convince me that the love he felt for me was the kind that last forever. He proclaimed over and over that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He literally begged me every day for the best of six months to believe he was truly in love with me.
I hadn’t believed him. I continued suggesting that he was rather in a delayed mid-life crisis and was merely infatuated with me. This only fueled his wish to convince me otherwise, plus I was wrong. His intentions towards me and our relationship didn’t come close to the innocence of a temporary infatuation and there wasn’t any mid-life crisis going on.
I had trusted him as my insurance agent for over twenty years before he spotted me at a low ebb in my life, and took full advantage of that in every way possible. I believe it was my longstanding trust in him that in large part, caused me to question my doubts and slowly abandon my screaming intuitive urge to get very far away from him.
Upon reflection, I can see how unfortunately perfect I was for him.