It hit my legs first. I felt it deep in my bones when I lied down. The pain felt like the beginning of a tooth ache. I changed positions and fell asleep. Several hours later I woke up with my eyes wide open. The pain was intense. I thought I was having a nightmare, but I wasn’t. It was real.
IMAGE CREDIT: Leslie Sigal Javorek, IconDoit, the Blog!
The severity of pain lessened dramatically when I got up and moved around. I was in that state of mind where I wasn’t fully awake, yet like a dream, or nightmare, I had more of a feeling than a detailed memory afterward.
The memory of the deep pain I woke up with evoked an image in my mind. I imagined thousands of little creatures; their legs strong and claws sharp; grasping and gnawing at the fibers in my legs; having invaded every cell.
By mid-day my upper body started hurting again. By the end of the day, I found myself crying. I realized there was more going on than the regular level of pain I live with.
I put Lidoderm patches on the places that hurt the most and took breakthrough medication; extra pain medication that I don’t normally have to take.
I didn’t know what to think. Was it my lungs or the connective tissue around my lungs, I wondered? The pain in my upper back, like the pain in my legs earlier that morning, was so deep and inclusive that I couldn’t tell if it was bronchitis or muscle pain. My muscles felt bruised. Breathing hurt. I hurt all over, inside and out.
The patches and extra medication helped and the next day I was able to take the dogs for a walk. My young, but strong dog, pulled my arm. A surge of pain moved through the center of my back, which is when I remembered a dog walk two days before this new pain hit my body.
The dogs had spotted our neighbor. They adore her and hurled forward when they saw her. I held the leashes, running behind them for ten or twenty feet. It had hurt, but the worst of the pain was yet to come.
One event like this can cause a flare up of fibromyalgia pain that might last a couple of days or a few weeks. Injuries can cause severe flares and pain levels to permanently increase.
Due to post-exertional pain and fatigue, the smallest of chores or tasks can cause days of illness. I’m not good at pacing because the ideal rate of speed is so slow, but I’ve learned the consequences of over doing things.
Moving into my apartment caused me so much pain that I had to go on a different and stronger medication after it was all over. Planting five plants in my yard two summers ago put me in bed for the best part of a month. Falling from my bicycle on Halloween caused me to go, “on a tendon and ligament adventure,” as my doctor remarked. Not long after the bike accident, while cleaning a ceramic cabinet knob, I endured severe and deep cuts to two fingers.
Injuries that other people get over fairly quickly can cause flare ups and become chronic pain conditions for a fibromyalgia patient.
Pain is pain. Living with it is hard and sometimes, depressing. Pain can be physically, mentally and emotionally completely consuming.
I cannot imagine not having medication that relieves the intensity. I simply can’t. I seriously think that my body would probably go into shock or I would have a heart attack from pain.
I took my dogs along with me on a camping trip to one of my favorite places in the mountains. A friend had come to help me set up camp. It wasn’t easy and it rained, but I knew the weather would clear soon. The morning would bring beautiful bird songs, close views of the white-tailed deer who legally own the place, and because of the few number of campers, the sounds of nature would wake me upon the first shadow of light.
I woke up around 2am in more pain than I had ever felt before. I sat there for several hours, literally crying in pain. Before meeting the beautiful morning I had anticipated, I had concluded that I could not continue to live with the pain I was experiencing.
My thoughts had gone downhill for sure. I felt that anyone who expected a person to live with that kind of pain seemed inhumane. I wanted the same compassion as my dog had been given when we learned she had bone cancer. My tail wasn’t wagging anymore. I wasn’t laughing anymore. Food didn’t matter anymore.
That weekend changed my life. I had been ready to die. Fortunately, I had a good doctor who told me to try taking a pain pill. I did and it worked.
I realized better what a toll the constant pain had taken on me and my life, after finding relief in medication.
Taking pain medication doesn’t necessarily mean you are out of pain. I think many people simply want to reach a tolerable level of pain they can live with. Most people I know who live with pain want very much to function as much as possible.
I have pain-free days, but most of the time I have some level of pain. My muscles are usually tender. My body usually feels bruised.
I have flares, but I’m truly grateful that I don’t have to live every moment of my life in severe unrelenting pain. I’m also grateful to have a doctor who understands very well that fibromyalgia hurts.
Thank you for visiting DogKisses’s blog.
Post edited and updated on the eleventh of April, 2013
- The Story of a Fibromyalgia-Ridden Girl (losangelesdreamer.wordpress.com)