Thank you for the Prayers

Healing and HummingbirdIMAGE CREDIT:  Sarjana’s Medicine Wheel via Flickr

I would like to express my deepest gratitude for each prayer spoken, good thought and healing wishes for my son and I, along with the great amount of support many people have offered since my earlier post.

The days have been long and demanded my attention or I would have posted an earlier update.

My son is continuing to receive inpatient medical care.  His symptoms have lessened to some degree.  I am grateful for this, even though I understand that he’d rather not be in a hospital.  I wish he didn’t have to be in one, however,  I must have hope that his medical team will offer new choices and opportunities for his recovery in the community.

I’ve strayed from writing much about my son or his illness in my blog, mostly because I began to feel that I was crossing an invisible line of loyalty.   I don’t want to infringe upon his privacy nor betray his trust and the latter feels rather compromised.

I would most likely feel easier about sharing my concerns or feelings and his progress if his diagnosis was a more accepted, less stigmatized and certainly, a better understood illness or condition.

One thing I want to share is that after I asked for prayers, there has been an experience of Grace, even if fleeting or intermittent. 

Grace is the moments when peace has flooded my heart and the nights when sleep came after my mind had gone round and round, thinking of all that is out of my control.

Grace is also the moments I’ve had with my son when I had more to offer than anxiety, worry or sadness.

My son and I used to meditate together when he was a child.  He knows what I speak of when I talk about an inner peace.  He used to call our meditations going to his happy place. 

He didn’t feel like doing a meditation together during a recent visit when I suggested it, but he called me afterwards to tell me he’d like to try the next time he sees me.

I believe the moments of Grace came from your prayers and healing wishes, along with a willingness I have also felt, to be open and receive them.

Again, I am most grateful for your generous support. 

Thank you!

Michelle.

“Keep quiet, undisturbed, and the wisdom and the power will come on their own….. Abandon all desires, keep your mind silent and you shall discover….. Desirelessness is the highest bliss.”
~I Am That Nisargadatta Maharaj

As always, thank you for visiting Dogkisses’s Blog.


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31 responses to this post.

  1. I just wanted to check in on you, Michelle. I miss your posts. I hope you and your son are doing ok.

    (((hugs)))
    Deb

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    • Hi Deb, Thanks so much for checking in. I sure hope to blog again soon. My son is doing much better and we are both hanging in there, trying to arrange living situations and healthcare providers. Challenging times, but seeing him doing so much better is such a blessing. Thank you again and, I saw your post with your feet in the grass. So cute! Sorry I haven’t felt like commenting. You are sweet to check in with me. Hugs to you too!!!

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  2. just another thought sent to you and your son Michelle… Know you are still being sent.. Each and every day….. many Blessings to you both and much love.. Dreamwalker xxx

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    • Oh, thank you again my friend. So nice of you. I am starting to wonder about my dogkisses’s blog! Life is simply not providing me with the time to blog. I miss it so, but I sure hope to get back at it soon. Most importantly, is helping my son. It’s a hard path for us right now, but I have faith and hope! And the healer is helping us. Blessings and Peace to you, and hugs too. xoxoxo

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  3. Sending you a Big Hug and lots of thoughts your way… Just know I shall be thinking of you tonight as I drum.. Lots of love… Dreamwalker xx

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    • Hi Dreamwalker, It’s so nice of you to leave me your messages, letting me know you are thinking of me, esp., while you drum. You also help keep me connected to my blog. So long away! I am staying quite busy helping my son and managing the fatigue from so much to do. My pain has lessened and on some days, I am doing much better!. Things change for us again tomorrow; another path on this journey. I hope it starts smoothly, and would really love it if I could get a break enough to blog soon. I hope you are doing well. I will come visit your sanctuary very soon, I hope :). I look forward to catching up! Blessings and Peace, Michelle.

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  4. You are not forgotten.

    Peace.

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  5. Hi Michelle…. just so you know… and I know you do….. That I send you all I can, in every moment… Im so pleased you dropped by..in the now moment 🙂 Hugs Dreamwalker xox

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  6. Lifting your son and you up in prayer with healing energies and Divine Love. Will continue to do so ~~

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  7. Sending all my hopes & prayers for peace of heart for both you & your son, Michelle. Sometimes, it’s so hard to know the right thing to do, but when in doubt, I suggest listening to your heart, rather than your mind, which can get into running in endless circles like a hamster on a wheel: if I do A, what if “this” happens? but if I do B, what if “that” happens? but if I do A…
    And around & around it goes, until you just want to scream. I went through this with my eldest daughter in her pre-teen & teenage years – not quite the same thing, but she was suicidally depressed. And cutting. There was no obvious good answer. I spent many long nights listening to her cry in the room below mine, and wondering if she would be alive in the morning. In the end, she pulled herself out of it, with or without the help of the mental health counselors she saw (don’t have a clue as to whether they made things worse or better – some of the things they suggested to me were just idiotic!). She seems happy now, but we are not close. Too much conflict between us during those years, too many mistakes & misunderstandings. But she made it & is happy & has a career, a husband, a life, for which I am very grateful.

    Just follow your heart, sweet & strong Michelle. And don’t forget to take time out every day for YOU. Stress is the worst thing for your health. You can be no help to your son if you are too sick too move, to see him, argue for his behalf with the supposed experts. Pamper yourself once in a while – take a hot bath with epsom salts & just soak all the tension away, feel the anxiety & stress dissolving out of your pores, into the warm water, and then let it go down the drain with the water. Guaranteed to help clear your mind while clearing toxins from your body, too.

    Much love & many warm hugs!

    Ash

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    • And one more thought to leave with you:
      Someone once told me that everyone makes the best decision they can at the time, given all the many variables of life – your mental state, your level of knowledge of the problem, your physical state – how much energy you have available & how much brain fog, your emotional state, etc. Every decision seems like the best option at the moment, given all those variables.
      In hindsight, you might wish you had made a different choice, and feel guilty, but really, you did the best you could do at the time. So try not to blame yourself for things you did, but wish you had done differently.

      And of course, this applies to everyone. Even people who seem like they are horrible and do things that hurt us are doing what makes sense to them, given their mental, emotional, & physical state. You can never know what is truly going on inside someone to make them do what they do, but even if it seems like they make one horrible choice after another, there is a reason, and they think they are doing the right thing.

      All you can do is look at them – and at yourself – with compassion, and try to learn from mistakes. One day at a time. Peace & love.

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      • Dear Ash, Thank you my friend. I can’t write much now, for I am truly, truly, exhausted. Thank you for your kindness and all that you give.

        I have to go out with the dogs. I don’t have a fenced yard. I have no clue where the energy is going to come from, but they are waiting, so I must.

        My acupuncturist in the mountains used to say to me what you have shared here, that we do the best we can, with the knowledge we have in that moment.

        All my love,
        Michelle.

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      • Hi Michelle, I tried to leave a message couple days ago, but I’m not sure my security settings let it go through, or something? Anyways, this writing from Ash just touched my heart and I wanted to say thanks for that. I can relate to much of what you write and also what your friends write and it is neat how it many times parallels what i need to hear at that time. Anyways, I have been praying for your son and hope that he is feeling better and that you two are enjoying the time that you are able to spend together. Wishing you love and peace, ruthie

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        • Thank you Ruthie, Your prayers are very much appreciated. My son is doing okay. I guess, Grace comes in all forms. It sure has some rough spots this time, and it is hard. I keep trying, each day, to have faith and trust this process. I am tired though. I’m glad you enjoyed the comments. Ash is a great blogger/writer and has a nice blog too. Love and Peace to you also, and doggie kisses too! Michelle.

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    • Dear Ash, Just read over your comment here again. Thank you. I hope you are doing okay. Sorry I have been away and unavailable. It’s hard. I wish I could write about what all is going on. It would probably help. Your words help though. Take good care, and hope to talk soon. With love, Michelle.

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  8. You and your son remain in my prayers. May these moments of Grace multiply and lengthen until they fill all the spaces.

    I understand your concerns about protecting your son’s privacy and trust; yet, I’ll point out that not only have you not violated either one, you’ve made sure you’ve not denied him a single prayer. Rather, you’ve given him a chorus of voices across the world.

    I can’t think of a gift I’d treasure more or a better thing for a loving mother to give.

    Peace.

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    • Hidden Lives, Thank you.

      Your heart is mighty big!

      The idea of my son having a “chorus of voices across the world” is absolutely beautiful, and I must say, true, Thanks to every person who has been a part of that!

      I hope you are feeling some better.

      Peace.

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  9. Hi Michelle, I am pleased you are finding those moments of Grace.. may they come more often to bring that inner calm and peace to both of you.. Progress maybe slow on the road to recovery.. but I know it can be done.. Im working along side such a person now who has come through a long long tunnel but who is seeing the light of day… So Hope and faith bring about many miracles if we believe in them stongly enough…So I am sure many of your friends are sending you thoughts of recovery, both in your son’s illness and within your own…
    may you always walk with the Blessings of Grace within your heart….

    Grace happens to be the name of a nun who works with me too…. so I ask that she also come and knock upon your door to add her own blessings…
    Love and Peace Michelle.. Dreamwalker xox

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    • I’m in a bit of a rush, but thank you sweet Dreamwalker!
      I wanted to say hello to Grace. Amazing to me, for reasons I don’t have time to tell, but hope to write you soon.
      With a heart full of hope for my son’s healing, and that he may begin again to walk a healthy good path in life, and that I can do the same.
      Love, Michelle.

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      • Hi Michelle.. just sending you a few thoughts your way… and hoping that Your Son is still improving… and that you too are ok… you have been in my thoughts alot recently so please remember to ask if you should need anything… Sending with all my heart to a special Lady! Dreamwalker xox

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        • Hi Dreamwalker,

          You must have read my heart the past several days. It’s been very tough. I’m trying, but in a way, am not sure anymore what it is I’m trying to do or assist my son with, because the direction to go in is not obvious or clear. I truly don’t know who to trust inside the mental healthcare system.

          Thank you for sending your kind thoughts and wishes our way. They are precious to me.
          Peace and my love,
          Michelle.

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      • Hi Michelle… just to let you know Im thinking of you and thanks for dropping by to press liked.. I know you still in need and so sending.. and May I ask too that you add me in your own prayers too… as I could do with a little light my own way at the moment… Thank you and God Bless xox

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        • Hi Dreamwalker, Yes, you are already in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you are doing okay. I don’t know what to say about all that is going on over there… So much turmoil and it’s all very sad. I was glad to see you had been drawing and your art was very pretty too. Thank you for leaving your thoughts here for me. It’s a stressful time, personally, so Thank You. I enjoyed my short visit to your beautiful blog. Peace my good friend. God Bless xoxoxo

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  10. I’m glad to hear that you had moments of peace and calm within the swirl of emotions, fears, and anxieties. I don’t have to know what troubles your son, what illness(es) he is fighting, to wish him better; don’t feel you have to share things you don’t feel comfortable with. I’m sure folks will continue to keep you, and your son in their prayers and thoughts. I hope that the next visit brings within the peace and calm of a shared meditation.

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    • Hi phylor,
      Thank you for the note. Laurie keeps saying I don’t have to say thanks, and I understand what she means, but it’s hard not to say it. I am very grateful to have this support from all of you guys! It is most helpful to me!

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  11. Bless your heart and bless your son, too. It is a very hard thing you’re both going through. Yes, it is tragic for your son but so often people don’t understand the pain a family is also experiencing. It’s amazing you are able and willing to write about your life, Michelle and for that you deserve to find grace and peace just knowing you are touching other people’s lives. Opening their hearts. Expanding their awareness. Making a difference in people’s lives.

    Love to you,
    CZ

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    • Hi CZ, You are very thoughtful. It is hard for me too. Thanks for recognizing this.

      I know my son is the patient and an adult, but no matter how old our children are, little or grown, our hearts are forever shaped by our love and concern for them.

      Also, If my stories or something I write opens hearts and minds, then I believe I’ve done the right thing to have written.
      Love, Michelle.

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  12. Michelle, you don’t have to thank anyone but it is so sweet that you did. We are all here for you and your son. You know that. I am so happy you do have moments of Grace and that your son is being well cared for. As I told you earlier, he really is in the safest place. For those who are judgmental about a diagnosis, forget them. They are not here. There are so many illnesses, we all know about them. What we pray for is relief and calmness and the chance that he would like to meditate with you next time you visit. Hugs and healing thoughts and love to you and your son, Love, Laurie

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    • Hi Laurie,

      The “moments” are indeed valuable, giving me strength to carry on. I’m working to keep the faith that healing and opportunities will arise from this time and experience. I hope we get to meditate together again too.

      I like your note, and kind wishes. Love, Michelle.

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