Archive for the ‘Pain’ Category

One Beet a Day

A beet a day to keep the doctor away

PHOTO CREDIT:  MiriamWilcox via Flickr

A Taoist Alchemist has been working with my son and I for about four months.  He replied to an email I wrote while my son was in the hospital last year.  I wrote more than several emails during that time, but most of them carried the same message, which was that my family needed help.

I couldn’t believe it when he wrote me back.  He offered to help us and he has, in more ways than I could ever have imagined.  He quickly became crucial to the plan for recovery I was working on, which did get my son discharged.

The Alchemist is also a semi-retired Master Clinical Nurse.  He worked with the most severe cardiac patients in the hospital for about thirty years.  You’d never know by looking at him that he’s been around long enough for that history.  He has a youthful spirit and is in excellent health. 

He practices several modalities of holistic healthcare, including homeopathy, Chinese medicine and Oi-Gong.  The man has spent years studying these healing arts, along with nutrition and holistic healthcare.  Today he enjoys assisting people in prevention and recovery from just about any disease, including a stressful life.

The first time we met was to talk about my son.  Of course, this led to discussing my son’s childhood, background and me.  I was in his office for my own treatments shortly afterward. 

My toes had hurt for a while.  I kept waking up in the night feeling like somebody was pulling my toenails with pliers.  It was extremely painful! 

I briefly mentioned this pain, but I wasn’t there for the toe pain.  I was there to figure out how to help my son.  I was there because the energy I felt around this man evoked in me hope that my son could get better, possibly even well, which is not what psychiatry has told us for nearly a decade.

The Alchemist gave me a homeopathic remedy the first day I went for a treatment.  I told him that I hadn’t responded well to homeopathy in the past, but he said give it a try anyway.

The next day, the toe pain was gone.  It never returned like it was.  I’ve felt it on a much milder level, but only a couple of times.  They had been hurting nearly constantly and at one point, I recall being afraid of having to use a wheel chair if the pain continued.  The doctors said it was likely Rheumatoid Arthritis or Lupus.

I was surprised when the pain vanished after one treatment from the Alchemist.  I really didn’t know what to think.  Perhaps the homeopathic remedy worked.  Perhaps the energy the Alchemist carries is that of a true healer. 

I believe in healers.  I believe some people have access to energy that can heal sickness and disease.  Healing may not always look the same as the pain in my toes disappearing overnight.  Healing is a process and it takes time, along with a little determination, which brings me to the subject of BEETS!

“I want you to eat one beet a day,” the Alchemist said.  I cringed.  I’ve never eaten a whole beet in my life and that’s counting the obligatory servings I’ve had from the predictable holiday side dish.  I wasn’t sure I could do it.

“Can you make that face again?” the Alchemist asked me, laughing. 

“I don’t like the texture,” I told him.  “They are mushy,” and my face crinkled up again. 

“Oh, they’re not like that raw.”

“Raw?”

“Definitely,” he said.  “One raw beet a day for both of you.” 

“I want you to prepare this for your mother,” he then told my son.  “Do you think you can do that?” he asked him politely.

“Sure,” my son said enthusiastically.  He likes cooking.  He’s also pretty good at it.  Since he’s been living with me, we’ve split the chores.  His includes cooking and washing dishes.  (Yes!)

A beet a day goes a long way!We’ve had some great meals lately.  I have more energy.  I still have chronic fatigue and pain, but some days, I feel good.  Some days, I have energy.  I do believe a beet a day is a good thing!

My son is doing as well as I’ve seen him in ten years.  He still has challenges too, but we both have a little more energy and many more reasons for hope.

Thanks for visiting Dogkisses’s blog!  Feel free to leave a comment.

Resources: Taoist Healing and Chi Nei Tsang by Dennis Lewis


purTY purTY purTY

Pretty red bird, he sings it every day!

Photo by Virginia Sanderson via Flickr

Every day for the past few weeks I’ve heard the Cardinal call,  “PurTY, PurTY,  PurTY.”  What a nice thing for a bird to say!

I’ve always especially loved Cardinals and the male is certainly an eye-catcher,  just as nature intended.

I wonder what the very handsome guy in the above image is thinking, but then I also wonder if birds can think.

I’m too tired to research this question in-depth, but I came across a wonderful article about a Parrot, Alex, who sadly died in 2007, but left with us interesting questions about animal intelligence that I find fascinating.

There may be more to a “birdbrain” than we thought.  The article about Alex is from 1999, but I imagine there remains, “a highly emotional debate about whether thought is solely the domain of humans, or whether it can exist in other animals.”

“Alex can think.  His actions are not just an instinctive response, –but rather a result of reasoning and choice.”  (Dr. Irene Pepperberg, A Thinking Bird or just another Birdbrain).

I’ve always wondered about humans being the most intelligent species and the older I get, the more I wonder.

Living with a chronic illness has a way of putting you in touch with being human.  Living with persistent pain and/or illness is humbling.  Strangely, this experience of being so damn human gives me a sense of connection with all living creatures.

I guess when I think of the pain and fatigue I live with I remember the ticks.  They are so small and relatively low on the food chain, but one bite from the wrong one at the wrong time can change your life, or worse.

There is a sense of oneness in the awareness that these little vectors can transmit disease and that a resulting illness can fall upon any person.  We are all alike in one way.  Blood runs through our veins and a beating heart keeps us alive.

I remember the day I found the baby deer tick on me.  It was in the afternoon and was a beautiful day outside.  I remember falling to the ground in weakness, while walking to my car.  Suddenly it felt like someone had grabbed my throat and was choking me.  My joints protruded for months.  For several weeks, I lost almost complete use of my hand and eventually my arm too.

I remember lying in bed looking out of the window thinking how I’m not any stronger than those ticks.  We are the same in one way you look at it.  We each have our place on this planet.

A few weeks ago, the deep joint pain like I had after the deer tick bite in 2003 reappeared.  This scared me.

I went to the doctor who tested me for autoimmune diseases.  I didn’t think to get tested for any of the tick-borne illnesses.  I’ve seen a few crawling on me this year, but none of them were attached.

“Positive,” one of my lab reports reads.  I received them in an email without an explanation from my doctor.  A lab report I can’t understand, but I do know the word positive.

I called the nurse,  “What am I positive for?” I asked her.

“Something arthritic,” she answered.

I know the test is for autoimmune diseases, but they have to do further testing to know which one.  It could be Lupus or RA and for all I know it could be Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or something else!

My doctor still hasn’t sent me a note, explained anything or asked for a follow-up.  Modern times I guess.

The referring nurse called to say the Rheumatologists can see me in August.  This is April.  Sigh…

We have many fine Rhuematologists here, but they won’t see me because I have insurance for poor people and doctors don’t like it because they don’t get paid as much for their services.  I also have Medicare, but because I have Medicaid, they won’t see me.  The only ones who will take my insurance are the teaching clinics at the hospitals, which is a lot better than going to the public health department like I had to when I lived in the mountains.  That was altogether horrible.

Still, it isn’t very cool that I have a positive test for an autoimmune disease, which was taken because of joint pain and a worsening of fatigue and not be able to know what exactly I tested positive for.  I would at least like advice or counseling, since knowing me, I probably wouldn’t use whatever medication they suggested.  I can’t take medication for arthritis.  They all make me sick.  I can’t take most medications without getting sick.  However, I’d still like to know where I stand and what my body is battling.

I’ve suspected Lupus before and so have a few doctors I’ve seen, but you have to test for this disease when it’s active for the results to show positive.

I’m very tired and life isn’t slowing down for me.  It’s hard to keep up my obligations, some of which are difficult when I’m feeling well.

I keep thinking things will get better.  They’ve been bad before and they got better.

A cabin in the mountains near the hot springs is what I fantasize about.  Taking my dogs, a few good novels and waking up for a month or so, only to walk over to sit in the natural springs and enjoy a Swedish massage afterwards.

For now, I take comfort in nature.  I listen when the birds sing.  I hear that Cardinal.  “PurTY, PurTY, PurTY.”  He is so nice!

Thank you for visiting Dogkisses’s blog.  Please feel free to leave your thoughts.  Emails are never published.

Forest Food Web via mdlk12.org

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Nothing else but time for fibromyalgia

nothing but time for fibromyalgia wellness requires strict lifestyleI’d been debilitated by a muscle spasm for five days before going to my doctor yesterday.  I would have gone to see him sooner but I didn’t have anyone to drive me and I simply couldn’t drive that far.  I’d taken my medication for breakthrough pain and was worried about not having it later in the month. I told him I’d been in so much pain that I couldn’t think without medication to relieve it.

“I don’t know if the spasm is breakthrough pain or a part of fibromyalgia or if it’s unrelated,” I told my doctor.

“Was it a real spasm?” he asked.  Sometimes he asks geeky questions.

“Yes,” I answered confidently.

“It isn’t ideal that you took your breakthrough medicine for a muscle spasm, but at that point, you really didn’t have a choice.”  He wrote something on his notepad.

Now I wished I’d called his office when the spasm started.   He wrote me a prescription for magnesium mixed with a chemical in aspirin.  He said people find relief for migraines with the medication and that it may help muscles spasms.  He said more about magnesium, but I can’t remember!  He also told me to apply wet heat, which I could have done and didn’t.  Again, I should have called his office five days earlier.  He didn’t mention replacing my breakthrough medication.  I don’t like having to ask for extra pain medicine so I didn’t mention it either.

I didn’t have much in me so to speak.  It took strength for me to talk loud enough to be heard, much less communicate any concerns or other issues I was having.  I didn’t tell him my bladder was still hurting but I was tired.  I’d been hurting for days and it wore me out mentally and physically.  Sometimes I feel like giving up.  I feel like there is no hope.  That no matter what, pain will be part of my daily life.

“You know what I told you about the central sensitivity…” he said.  I nodded yes. I can’t remember his exact words.  He spoke to the pain from the view that fibromyalgia is a central nervous system disorder, Central Sensitivity Syndrome (CSS), which I think suggest that the level of pain I’ve experienced from the muscle spasm is part of fibromyalgia, but not necessarily a symptom.

I had a college mentor who told me many times, “If you can’t explain something then you don’t understand it.”  I guess I don’t fully understand CSS.  I understand the general concept, which is enough to know that people with fibromyalgia experience more pain from stimuli, such as a muscle spasm, than do people who do not have fibromyalgia.

I remember my good doctor saying something to the effect of the spasm having caused a blast of pain from my brain that I felt all over my body.  He said that would explain why I was feeling so crappy.  I’d definitely had a blast of pain!

“Do you have any patients who have severe fibromyalgia, who you are absolutely sure they have it, without a doubt, who gets well?” I asked him.

His answer, which was basically yes, was somewhat surprising to me.   I may have also felt a glimmer of hope, but it would have taken a lot to get me out of the despondent state of mind I’ve been in for the past week or more.   Too bad because he’s a good doctor with a sense of humor.   If I’m quiet then so is he.  If I’m in a lighter mood then he’ll tell me a joke, usually a geeky one, but sometimes that’s what makes it funny.

“Yes,” and he turned around in his chair to face me.  “There are some people who do get better.  They are people who follow a strict routine of exercise.  They practice stretches throughout the day every day.   They follow a strict diet.  They have very strict schedules and that is all they do.  These are people who have nothing else going on and devote all their time to practicing these things.  The people who are more likely to get well from fibromyalgia are people who have nothing else,” and he waved his hands in the air for an added effect, “nothing else going on — at all — that gets in their way.  They are people with nothing else but time.”

Could I be that person I wondered the rest of the day.  I’ve got the time.  I’ve also got a lot going on. 

This morning I visited a blog with the most beautiful photos of places where people were fly fishing.  I’d like to do that, even if I didn’t catch a fish.  I wish I could go to paradise, where I would have nothing else but time.

Image of clock by Leslie, at IconDoIt, the blog.  Copyrights apply.



I’m talking about Pain.

In the wee hours of the morning, around 3:30 am today, I woke up.

I was fatigued and had fallen asleep last night, forgetting to take my pain medication and my anxiety medication, both of which I need, the latter of which is for anxiety, but also manages a neurological disorder I have, an essential tremor.

I don’t remember the details of my waking in chronological order.  I remember having the thought that I should definitely update my will.  I remember being scared.  I was really scared.

The pain in my chest and lungs is what was the most scary I guess, but all of it was bad.  My entire body, once again, felt like it was on fire.  It’s more than fire though.  It’s more than a burning.  It’s so much more I don’t seem to have the words for it.

They call it fibromyalgia.  I wonder.  Sometimes I wonder what my doctor would do if I was his daughter.   He has three and often speaks of them.  He is a compassionate man and I like him.  So I’ve wondered this.

Would he take me to some fancy medical facility up north?  Could they help me?  I know he would pay for acupuncture treatments, which helps me tremendously, but I can’t afford them.  He once told me he would like to learn acupuncture himself.  I told him I needed him to keep on being my doctor instead of going off to acupuncture school.  He laughed.

But my good doctor was not here at 3:30 am when I woke up this morning nor was anyone else, except my dogs, my blessings from the universe.  They were here and their being here makes a big difference in my ability to remain sane in such a state as I found myself in this morning.

Not only was I in pain but the tremor was there.  My insides were shaking.  I was sweating a little.  The pain was so intense I had to lie there and get my breath enough to be able to get up and go take my medication.

I lied there for a few more minutes before getting up.  I guess I was in shock.  My lungs hurt when I breathed, which I could barely do.

I’ve been told that the pain I experience in my chest area and when I breathe is from fibromyalgia.  They tell me that the heart is a muscle, which I already know that, and talk about the connective tissue around the heart and lungs, but they have also told me it’s rare to have the kind of serious pain I have while breathing.

Without the medication I can’t breathe.  It hurts too bad.  This is scary and I don’t think the doctors are aware of how serious it is for me.  I guess I need to tell my doctor but what would I say?  He knows I live in pain.  He gives me medication.  Maybe I’m afraid he will say my pain is too much for him and would send me away.  Send me to some pain clinic where I’ll be a number and/or where they might not believe in fibromyalgia.

Yeah, I am scared.

The fibromyalgia doctor I saw twice said sometimes it does get into the lungs and that this is almost like a medical entity of it’s own.  Great I thought.

It’s scary because I think what if something happened?  I live alone and what if I forgot my medication and couldn’t get to it?  I have a phone and I would dial 911, but would they believe me if I told them I couldn’t breathe without my medication?

There is stigma around pain medication and medical professionals are not immune to it.

What would I say if I did dial 911?  I have fibromyalgia.  I can’t get to my medication.  I can’t breathe without it.

Would they think I’m a drug addict?  A hysterical woman?  A psychiatric case?  I wouldn’t be a “drug-seeker,” because I have the “drug.”

It took about thirty minutes for the medication to work.  I could breathe again.  I don’t remember now what all went through my mind during that time, other than thinking about updating my will, but I know a lot did.

It was a painful, scary and depressing experience, but it’s over…or is it?


Fibromyalgia, Severe Pain and Injuries

It hit my legs first.  I felt it deep in my bones when I lied down.  The pain felt like the beginning of a tooth ache.  I changed positions and fell asleep.  Several hours later I woke up with my eyes wide open.  The pain was intense.  I thought I was having a nightmare, but I wasn’t.  It was real.

"Yikes" Fun image by Leslie Sigal Javorek at IconDoIt, the blog!

YIKES!!!

IMAGE CREDIT: Leslie Sigal Javorek, IconDoit, the Blog!

The severity of pain lessened dramatically when I got up and moved around.  I was in that state of mind where I wasn’t fully awake, yet like a dream, or nightmare, I had more of a feeling than a detailed memory afterward.

fibromyalgia severe pain invading every cell

The memory of the deep pain I woke up with evoked an image in my mind.  I imagined thousands of little creatures; their legs strong and claws sharp; grasping and gnawing at the fibers in my legs; having invaded every cell.

By mid-day my upper body started hurting again.  By the end of the day, I found myself crying.  I realized there was more going on than the regular level of pain I live with.

I put Lidoderm patches on the places that hurt the most and took breakthrough medication; extra pain medication that I don’t normally have to take.

I didn’t know what to think.  Was it my lungs or the connective tissue around my lungs, I wondered?  The pain in my upper back, like the pain in my legs earlier that morning,  was  so deep and inclusive that I couldn’t tell if it was bronchitis or muscle pain.  My muscles felt bruised.  Breathing hurt.  I hurt all over, inside and out.

The patches and extra medication helped and the next day I was able to take the dogs for a walk.  My young, but strong dog, pulled my arm.  A surge of pain moved through the center of my back, which is when I remembered a dog walk two days before this new pain hit my body.

The dogs had spotted our neighbor.  They adore her and hurled forward when they saw her.  I held the leashes, running behind them for ten or twenty feet.  It had hurt, but the worst of the pain was yet to come.

One event like this can cause a flare up of fibromyalgia pain that might last a couple of days or a few weeks.  Injuries can cause severe flares and pain levels to permanently increase.  

Due to post-exertional pain and fatigue, the smallest of chores or tasks can cause days of illness.  I’m not good at pacing because the ideal rate of speed is so slow, but I’ve learned the consequences of over doing things.

Moving into my apartment caused me so much pain that I had to go on a different and stronger medication after it was all over.  Planting five plants in my yard two summers ago put me in bed for the best part of a month.  Falling from my bicycle on Halloween caused me to go, “on a tendon and ligament adventure,” as my doctor remarked.  Not long after the bike accident, while cleaning a ceramic cabinet knob, I endured severe and deep cuts to two fingers. 

Yikes!

Injuries that other people get over fairly quickly can cause flare ups and become chronic pain conditions for a fibromyalgia patient.

Pain is pain.  Living with it is hard and sometimes, depressing.  Pain can be physically, mentally and emotionally completely consuming.

I cannot imagine not having medication that relieves the intensity.  I simply can’t.  I seriously think that my body would probably go into shock or I would have a heart attack from pain.

Before Medication…

I took my dogs along with me on a camping trip to one of my favorite places in the mountains.   A friend had come to help me set up camp.  It wasn’t easy and it rained, but I knew the weather would clear soon.  The morning would bring beautiful bird songs, close views of the white-tailed deer who legally own the place, and because of the few number of campers, the sounds of nature would wake me upon the first shadow of light.

I woke up around 2am in more pain than I had ever felt before.  I sat there for several hours, literally crying in pain.  Before meeting the beautiful morning I had anticipated, I had concluded that I could not continue to live with the pain I was experiencing. 

My thoughts had gone downhill for sure.  I felt that anyone who expected a person to live with that kind of pain seemed inhumane.  I wanted the same compassion as my dog had been given when we learned she had bone cancer.  My tail wasn’t wagging anymore.  I wasn’t laughing anymore.  Food didn’t matter anymore.

That weekend changed my life.  I had been ready to die.  Fortunately, I had a good doctor who told me to try taking a pain pill.  I did and it worked.

I realized better what a toll the constant pain had taken on me and my life, after finding relief in medication. 

Taking pain medication doesn’t necessarily mean you are out of pain.  I think many people simply want to reach a tolerable level of pain they can live with.  Most people I know who live with pain want very much to function as much as possible.

I have pain-free days, but most of the time I have some level of pain.  My muscles are usually tender.  My body usually feels bruised. 

I have flares, but I’m truly grateful that I don’t have to live every moment of my life in severe unrelenting pain.  I’m also grateful to have a doctor who understands very well that fibromyalgia hurts.

Thank you for visiting DogKisses’s blog.

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Post edited and updated on the eleventh of April, 2013

Fibromyalgia HURTS!

“How often do you wake up in pain,” my good nurse asked.

“Pretty much every day lately,” I told her.

Her question was the first thing that came to my mind today as I was waking up. 

I lied there for the first few minutes,  as my brain processed how much pain I was feeling.  I thought about my medication and how it was only steps away.

Having overslept, I was an hour late with my dose and when I woke up, there it was!  Severe Pain all over my body. 

It’s hard to know how much pain to accept, tolerate or live with, when you live in a certain amount of pain all the time.  It’s also hard to recognize when pain has worsened until it eases up and I think wow — I was hurting a lot!

I decided about three years ago to take medication for widespread ongoing pain.  

“Pain and Living,” is one of my posts in this blog, which was written about the time when I decided that enough was enough.  I could only tolerate so much pain.  I had met my limit.

I wanted a chance at living my life.  I began to notice a difference in the quality of my life right away after going on medication for pain.

I was doing well with the medication.  This means the level of pain I was experiencing was much lower and at times, managed well enough that I could do things I hadn’t been able to do in a long time.

Things were going pretty good and then came life.  Regular ordinary life.

For me, regular ordinary life includes intermittent crises.

Stress triggers fibromyalgia and fibromyalgia is stressful.

My most recent stress is that I took a hard fall from my magic bike.  

Within a ten-day span, I went from having a very sore elbow, shoulder and back, to waking up with severe back pain and finally feeling pain in every place in my body that has tissue.

Fibromyalgia covers a lot of ground.

Yesterday I was able to do some house chores.  Some days I wake up and realize I’m able.  I know I’m supposed to pace myself, but when I get these able days I try to catch up on things, especially dishes and bathroom chores.

Laundry is the hardest because of lifting clothes, out of the washer – into the dryer – out of the dryer – then folding them.  Standing in one spot is hard too, which makes cooking and doing dishes a painful and/or fatiguing experience.

My sweet dog, a great insect hunter, barely brushed against my femur bone when I lied down after my chores and it felt like I was kicked in an already bruised spot.  Fibromyalgia pain sometimes feels like my whole body is bruised.

My insect hunter, along with our other 4-legged relative, have been lying as close to my body as they can get over the past two weeks since I fell.  They’ve literally had me locked down on the sofa a couple of times.  The big one lying across my feet and the little one, only 45 pounds, likes to get anywhere she can and if that means on top of a leg or an arm, then that is where she gets.

Last night, after my day of chores, I woke up about 9pm on the sofa.  Both dogs around me.  My body was hurting all over.  Moving was a struggle.  I budged one of the dogs and she didn’t move.  They were sleeping good.

I had overdone it with the laundry for sure!  I’m not very good at giving in to rest.  I truly needed to have that as my top priority.

By the end of today I cried some.  I had walked the dogs.  Not as far as they needed to be walked, but it was nice and we got a little sunshine.  I let them smell where their little noses wanted to go.  Lots of people just walk their dogs, but I let mine stop and smell.  I once read where it’s good for a dog’s olfactory system to smell things every day.  That made sense to me and I like things that make sense.

Dogs have what the native Americans call good medicine.  Their medicine is loyalty.  They give.  This is what they do.  They give.  They are wonderful nurses!

Pain is stressful.  It is tiring.  Living with it all the time is depressing.  It just is.

“How often do you wake up in pain?”  My nurse’s question lingers in my mind.

How often is too often?


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My magic bell and fibromyalgia

with fibromyalgia injuries take longer to heal

intact, after the fall

My magic bell was the first thought I had after I hit the wet pavement.  Did it break I wondered?

As you can see from the picture here, it did not break!  Nor did my head which is good ’cause I didn’t have a helmet on.

“You know how it is with you.  Because of fibromyalgia when you get a localized injury it spreads to other areas,” my doctor said.

“Well, umm, how long do you think my back will hurt?”  I knew the question was one he couldn’t answer.  I don’t know why I asked. He just looked at me.  I don’t remember if he said anything.  I think he simply nodded his head to communicate that he didn’t have a clue.

It was my elbow that got cut open.  My shoulder hurt and my knee,  but after a few days the rest of my body began to hurt.  I was in a great deal of pain as I sat there with my family doctor.

I know you can’t see any bruises I told my doctor, but my body really does hurt.

With a tender tone that was much appreciated he said, “I believe you,” and I knew he did.  He believes me when I tell him I am in pain. This is a blessing when you have an illness that is not only misunderstood but also denied by some as being a true medical entity.

Fibromyalgia.  I think I am mad at this word!  This medical entity!  If I was superstitious or believed in demons possessing one’s body and soul, then I would sure be having an exorcism performed!  But I don’t believe in that, nor do I believe, at least in my rational mind, that I am being punished by God.

Having been brought up in the south with a strong Southern Baptist influence, I must admit that I do actually think and sometimes feel that I am being punished, which I believe is a direct result of what I learned about God and Jesus.

My grandmother told me that Jesus was watching me all the time and that he knew every single thing I did.  Well, that right there shaped and formed a large part of my world view.    I think this must get in a person’s brain forever, these things we learn as children.

When I am in severe pain or have been too fatigued to do anything for days on end, even think, sometimes I find myself lying in my bed, crying out to God and apologizing for all my sins.  I ask why and how am I supposed to do anything if I have this illness that at times renders me totally useless!

My rational mind tells me I’m not being punished and that I am a human being who is not immune to diseases or illnesses.   The pain I live with, the fatigue and the depression because of it all,  is part of the human condition.

I didn’t feel my elbow for the first minute or so.  I hadn’t felt it yet when my son said, “Mom, uhh, you did something to your elbow.”

I lifted my head attempting to get up.  “Mom just lie there.  Did you hit your head?”  I wasn’t seeing stars but walking back home with my son walking behind me with our bikes I couldn’t move my arm.

“I think there is a rock in there,” my son said and that’s when I felt dizzy.  A rock in my elbow.  The thought of it was nauseating to me.  I’m used to pain but not this kind of pain.

My doctor who is gentle and understanding was on vacation when I went to get my stitch out.  The doctor I saw was not like him at all!  I think she thought I wanted pain pills but I told her I had plenty.  I wanted to know if I had hurt my back because it was hurting.  I asked her to examine it, which she did.

“I think this is fibromyalgia.  It’s definitely tissue related.  You’re thin and when you have a traumatic fall like this, with fibromyalgia,  it can…”  I don’t remember how she worded the rest but I didn’t need to hear the words.   They are all the same.

If pain is due to fibromyalgia then basically this means it can behave any way it wants to.  It might be there a week or six months.  It might be localized or widespread.

Sometimes I guess I wish the doctors would say — oh this is something we can fix — and give me a time frame as to when I will be feeling better or recovered.

Update on July 11, 1010 The doctor says that a ligament in my left shoulder and a tendon somewhere around the bicep were strained and pulled.  It still hurts when I move it certain ways.  I fell on October 31st, 2009.